I'm not sure if my new "reassignment" was supposed to start with the game last night or whatever. Either way, the team looked absolutely awful. All I can really say is that you made Jordan Hamilton look like an All-Star.
Just a few other notes:
- I left my brown suede shoes in the cabinet underneath the DVD player in the locker room. I didn't want to wear them out in the rain last week so I stashed them in there. Can you fed-ex them over to my house? I never want to set foot in that perfume-scented arena again.
- You should probably think about shaving before tomorrow's game. I know you're in Brooklyn and beards are cool with the hipsters, but it really makes you look even drunker than you actually are.
- Feel free to expand on the "philosophical differences" angle. What the hell does it matter anymore? It's not like I'm gonna show up at your house in Upper Saddle River and kick your ass. The season is lost so at least give the fans some kind of "Melrose Place" thing to think about. (I know, I know. My references are stuck in the mid-90s. I've been busy WATCHING GAME FILM since then. Yeah, GAME FILM. IT'S HOW COACHES PREPARE FOR OTHER TEAMS. IT'S LITERALLY A FILM OF GAMES THAT OTHER TEAMS HAVE PLAYED. COACHES WATCH IT BECAUSE THEY CAN'T BE AT EVERY GAME IN PERSON AND THEY LIKE TO KNOW WHO THEY'RE PLAYING AGAINST AND WHAT KIND OF OFFENSIVE AND DEFENSIVE SCHEMES THEY USE SO THEY CAN PREPARE TO TRY TO BEAT THEM.)
That's all I got for now. I hate you.